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Chapter 2: Hair and a Fight Over a Book
I was in the Gryffindor common room curled up in a chair, in front of the fireplace, with a book, Pride and Prejudice. It was my favorite book, and I don’t care if you call me crazy when you find out that this was the 28th time reading this book. No wait. It was my 29th time reading it. I was having a nice evening, until a shadow fell upon me and yanked the book out of my hands.
“Hey!’ I yelled. I looked up to see Sirius Black standing in front of me. And boyyyyy, did he look mad. “Gimme my book!” I reached for it but fell down when he pulled it out of my reach and gave it to Peter, who was standing next to him. Remus was standing on the other side and he looked VERY bored. He had an expression on his face that asked do we really have to do this? “Peter. Give. Me. My. Book. Now.” I said threateningly and slowly.
Peter looked scared. He gulped and asked Sirius, “Should I?”
“Yes!” I yelled at the same time Sirius yelled, “No!”
Peter jumped and dropped what I needed to hit Black with and to continue my peaceful evening.
When we both scrambled for it, neither wanting the other to get it first, Sirius yelled, “No! Don’t let her get it!”
Peter grabbed the book before me. “Victory!” he exclaimed, holding the book over his head as if it were the Quiddich World Cup trophy.
I got up of the floor, dusted myself off, sat back down in my chair, and shot flaming hot daggers at Sirius and Peter with my eyes. “Give me my book!” I insisted.
“No. You are not getting your book until you tell us where you hid him,” replied Sirius.
“Where I hid WHO?” I was frustrated. “I just want my book back!” I REALLY hoped that I sounded like I was going to cry, but even if I did, Black didn’t notice. OR he didn’t care. I think it’s because Black is daft and doesn’t care about other people’s feelings.
“For the last time, you’re not getting your book. NOW STOP PLAYING DUMB!”
“What are you talking about?” I was really confused. Play dumb? I don’t even know how to play tea party!
Black grabbed my shoulders and started to shake me furiously. “Give him back! Where is he? Why did you take him? What did he ever do to you? What did WE do to you to deserve losing our best BFF forever, forever? Are you an alien? You’re taking him back to your planet, aren’t you? Don’t cut him open and dissect him!”
“Remus! Get. Him. Off. Me! I yelled between shakes.
Remus put his hands on Sirius’ shoulders and said gently, “Padfoot, calm down. Let go of Lily. She doesn’t know where Prongs is. Let go,” he repeated.
Slowly, Sirius let go of my shoulders and walked backward, away from me, his eyes wide with terror.
When he was far away from me, I jumped off the couch, ran up the stairs leading to the girls dormitories, flew into the room I shared with Alice and Melly (my two best friends), and two other stupid girls. (I considered them stupid because the started a James and Sirius fan club. How stupid is that?) I jumped on my bed, panting.
Alice was in her bed reading a book when I burst into the room. When she saw me, she scrambled off her bed and onto mine. “Lily! What happened?”
“Potter. And. Black. Are. Stupid. IDIOTS! That’s. What. Happened,” I gasped.
“Potter’s gone,” I tried to explain.
“So? Do you care?” she sounded confused.
“NO! But Black just nearly ripped my shoulders off!”
“He thinks I stole Potter. And that I’m gonna take him to ‘my’ planet and cut him open and dissect him!”
“I don’t know! I hate him!”
“who? Potter, or Black?”
“you and Melly should tottaly start somekind of ‘I Hate Potter and Black’ club.”
“I know, right? But then, all the other girls will kill us.
“but, it’ll be worth the look on Potter and Black’s faces when they find out that we hate them so much that we actually started a club about it!”
Then, for no reason whatsoever, we burst into a fit of giggles.
“Merlin!” I yelled when I remembered I forgot something.
“What?” Alice gasped, still giggling.
“I forgot my book downstairs. I’m gonna go get it.”
“Alrighty then. You go do that. I’m gonna keep reading.” She got onto her bed and turned into Remus. Translation-she put her nose in her book. Translation of a translation-she started reading.
When I got to the door, I turned around and said, “Oh, and Alice?”
“Yeah?” she turned back into herself. Translation-she stopped reading.
“If you hear me scream or yell, I would really appreciate it if you came downstairs, with your wand out, ready to hex Black. Please?”
“Alrighty,” she smiled and turned back into Remus. Translation-she began to-you know what? You don’t need a translation. Not unless you have a memory span of a fish (three seconds, BTW if you didn’t know that. Who doesn’t?). If you need a translation for ‘she turned back into Remus’, read 9 or 10 lines back. If you can’t read,………well that’s just too bad. If you can’t read, I don’t know what you’re even doing here.
Right. Well, back to my mission.
“Thanks.” I went downstairs to find Peter reading my book. What the heck is he doing? Doesn’t he know that I hate it when people read my books? I scowled and stomped over to him. When he saw me, he got really scared. I put one hand out for my book and my other hand on my waist. Peter looked over to Sirius to ask if I can have the book. When Sirius nodded, still scared, my book was returned to me. I grabbed it with an icy “Thanks”.
I had just turned around when I heard a scream. I whipped my head around really fast OW! I think I just got whiplash! and saw a boy holding up a worm in some girl’s face. She looks familiar. I think she is in that stupid fan club of Black and Potter. Not that I know. ‘Cause I don’t go to it. No, siree. Not me. Ha ha. I made a rhyme. Alice and I just like to entertain ourselves by eavesdropping sometimes. It’s not a crime! We………just need to be entertained a lot. Where was I? Oh yeah.
When she realized that everyone was staring at her, her face turned red, and she said (ha ha, I made a another rhyme), “Sorry. He’s”-she pointed to the guy dangling the worm-“just being a mean idiot. Sorry,” she said again. She then slapped the guy’s arm, making the worm fall to the ground, flipped her hair, winked at Sirius, and flounced upstairs after getting a smile from him. What the heck? What was that for? Not that I care. ‘Cause I don’t like him. No, siree. Not me. Ha ha. I rhymed again. I like James. Wait, what? I did not just say that. No. Nonono. No, no, no. I do not like James. Yuck!
When I turned around again to go to my room, I heard thumping come from the stairs. I saw Alice running down the stairs to me.
My eyes, along with many others, followed Alice as she stopped in front of Black and yelled, “What’d you do?”
Sirius, horror-stricken, asked confusedly, “Huh? What do you mean?”
Alice frowned. “Don’t act dumb. Even though you are. I just heard her”- she pointed to me- “scream. What did you do to her?”
Alice looked mad. Sirius looked scared. I looked confused. Peter went upstairs. And Remus had his nose stuck in a book.
It was silent for a few moments while Alice’s words were sinking in.
Suddenly, everything fit, the pieces fell into place, the light bulb turned on, everything clicked, the puzzle was solved, or any one of those wacky muggle sayings. I personally prefer ’everything clicked’. How do I know all of these? Good question. I am a muggle. Wizard. I am a muggle-born wizard. Because of this, I lost my best friend. (Sniffle.) Severus Snape. I don’t know why, but Potter and Black hate him and try to make everyone of his living minutes miserable. But I protect him. Even though he was mean to me, I protect him. Because he was my best friend. He still kinda is. A little bit. A very, very little bit. Oh well. Where was I? Oh yeah.
“Alice!” I exclaimed out of nowhere, making everybody jump. “You’ve got it all wrong!”
“Huh?” Alice’s mad face turned into a frown face. Translation-she looked confused. “What are you talking about? I heard you scream. You SAID to come downstairs when I heard you scream. I WANT to hex him,” she added, pointing at Siri-Black.
Siri-Black. Ha ha. Funny. I like that. I’m going to call him that from now on……………or maybe not. THAT would be just plain weird. Maybe I’ll call him something else. Liiiiike, Sir-Black? Si-Black? S-Lack? Slack? Sack? Sack. Sack! I’ll call him Sack! And I’ll call Potter…………Jotter! Woohoo! Jotter! That’s perfecto! And Peter will be…………… Pail!
Where was I again?………………………oh yeah.
“It doesn’t matter if you want to hex Sack,” I explained calmly, putting my hand on her shoulder.
She shrugged it off with a look that said Sack?
I answered with a look that said I’d rather tell you later.
She shrugged again and complained, “But I heard you scream.”
Work with me here people! I’m trying to get her to understand. She’s just so stubborn. “That wasn’t me.”
“But it sounded like you.” she insisted. Geez girl. You are stubborn. No. NO. NO! Nononononononononononononono! Don’t leave me! Don’t you dare click that button! I’m sorry! I’m trying my best to get her to understand! (Starting to sob.) Don’t leave me alone! I need help! (Tears running down my face.) Please!…………… what? You’ll stay? (Tears stop.) Yay! Thank you! I could kiss you!………actually,………no, not really. Never mind. (BTW, I wasn’t really crying. Well, I was. In my head.)
GEEZ! I keep getting off topic! “It wasn’t me,” insisted back. “It was some other girl. Some stupid boy showed some stupid girl a stupid worm and she screamed. It’s not my fault that she sounds like me when she screams!” my voice was getting louder by the word.
Alice looked amazed. “Sorry. I got it wrong. You know how I don’t like to listen to you. Anyways, I think you should get the crown today.
I smiled like I had won the lottery. It felt like I had! I usually never get the crown!
“What crown?” asked Remus, finally taking his eyes off his book.
“THE crown,” I said.
Alice and I looked at each other, smiled, and said at the same time, “The crown of Miss Understood!” Then we started laughing.
Remus and Sirius were just staring at us like we had three heads each, or, or, or, we were ALIENS! Yeah! I like that! We’re gonna capture each of them and say weird stuff like, “Take. Us. To. Your. Leader.” Ha ha! And we’re gonna be green! And, and, and, we’re gonna have blue antennas! Yeah! But, but, but, instead of blue balls at the top, there’s gonna be pink hearts. Yay! Oh GOSH! I have got to stop getting off topic!
When I stopped laughing (Alice didn’t stop, BTW), I calmly explained to the two dumbos (Peter came back down, BTW), dumbos. Ha ha. Dumbos. Big, fat elephants with BIG ears that can fly. I love that movie! It’s so funny! And cute! It’s fute! Ha ha! Fute. I like it! (Giggle.)
Where was I? ARGH!
So, anyways, I calmly explained to the two dumbos (giggle) and the smarty-pants (hee hee) who have no idea what is going on, sitting in front of me, that the crown of Miss Understood goes to the girl (or boy) that is misunderstood, for the day. I usually never get it, so it was an honor for me to get it today.
I turn to Alice, who is still laughing, and say, “Geezy, louisy girly! You’ve got to stop laughing.”
Alice totally ignores me.
“Or not.” Then I thought for a second and said, “Y’know, I’ve been laughing a lot today.” I shrugged and started pulling Alice to the stairs. “Oh well. I don’t care. C’mon, Alicey.”
When we reached the top of the coolio stairs, Alice finally stopped laughing, and gasped, “Forget Merlin! I don’t care if you screamed or not! I left a good part in my book, and I’m gonna make the best of it!”
And with that, she pointed her wand at the back of Sack’s hair, muttered an unintelligible spell, and before I knew it, . . . . . . . . . . Sack’s hair was green, with baby pink and purple highlights. OMG! What is she doing? Then, she pointed her wand at Peter, and his hair turned bright, tomato red with navy blue highlights, and waist-length to boot! Woah! I wonder if she’ll teach me that! I could soooo totally use that on Jotter! Hmm. . . . . . . . . .
Alice, then, pointed her wand at Remus, and then decided against it.
She turned to me with a smile plastered on her face, and happily said, “Got that off my chest.”
“Alice,” I said slowly, “you do know that Remus can fix that, right?” I don’t understand it. Why would Alice do something that stupid? Remus is one of the best students in Hogwarts. Other than me, of course. Not meaning to brag.
“No he can’t. I created that spell myself. He can’t undo it.”
“Wait, what? I don’t get it.”
Alice huffed and put one hand on her hip. “Okay. Here’s the coolio dealio. Do you remember that time in third year when I wouldn’t leave our room for about two weeks?”
“Yeah. But what does that have to do with this?”
“That was when I had first tried the spell on myself. I had kept trying it on some teddy bear I found, and when I thought it was good, I tried it on my own hair. I wanted red highlights.
“But unfortunately, the spell didn’t work, and I turned my hair a light blue.” She said sadly, shaking her head.
“I remember that!” I exclaimed. “You nearly gave me a heart attack when you screamed. And then I got so mad at you when I saw your hair, because I thought you were a metamorphagus and you were hiding it from me!
“Then, when you told you told me what really happened and about your spell, I remember laughing so hard; I couldn’t stand up straight. And I had a stitch in my side for so long!”
“Yeah,” said Alice, with a frown.
“Yeeeaahhh. Good times. Gooood times. Then, you spent like a whole, entire day in the shower, trying to get rid of the color in your hair. That soooo didn’t work!”
“Mmmmhmmm,” replied Alice. “When I realized that, I gave up, and it faded away by itself in, like, a week. I kept trying out a counter-spell for it, but never got it. Y’know, I’m still working on that,” she added, stroking her chin as if she had a beard. OMG! Alice in a beard! I try to imagine that, and come up with one word: FUNNY! Alice would look so funny in a beard! Especially if it was gray. No, wait! BLUE!!!! A blue beard would look hilarious! Or maybe even purple. No. Wait! PINK!!!!! Pink would look so cuh-yoot on Sack! Wait a second. How did Sack come into this? Oh well.
Back to Alice. “Wait, WHAT? You don’t have a counter-spell?”
“Nope,” Alice replied, apparently, very, very happy.
“Why in the name of Merlin, are you happy? This is not something to be happy about! Now Sack and Pail are gonna have to walk around like”- I stopped mid-sentence when I finally understood why Alice was smiling.
“Ahhhhhh. Now I get it,” I said, with a wide, evil grin on my glowing face.
“But,” I said.
“Whaaaaaaat?” Apparently, Alice was tired of me talking.
“Sack loves his hair,” I stated.
“He’s gonna be more mad than the maddest person in the world, when he finds out what you did to his hair. I’m actually surprised that Pail hasn’t felt he long hair on his back.” I felt thoughtful. But, before I took a one-way bus to Lily-Land, I snapped out of it and didn’t board the bus. Poor bus. It came all the way here for me and I didn’t board it. Bye-bye bus.
“Yeah. What-eva. Anyways, if Black does get mad, I’ll just tell Melly what he did to you. It’s that simple.” Alice can come up with really good ideas, in a short amount of time.
Newsflash! Melanie is another of my friends. Well, she also Alice’s, but you get where I’m pointing. Right? Sirius, I’m sorry, Sack, has a major crush on Melly. Almost as big as the one James has on me. I’m sorry, Potter. No! Jotter! That’s right. No, actually, Jotter doesn’t have a crush on me; it’s more like an obsession. A creepy, stalker-like obsession. So, yeah. But, Melly is more like me, because if I get mad at Jotter, than she gets mad at Sack. And vise-versa. Unlike Alice, who just becomes nicer to them, and helps them win us back.
The same way Jotter asks me out, Sack asks Melly out. And the same way I always say ‘no’ to Jotter, Melly says ‘no’ to Sack.
Ahem. Back to Alice.
“Yeah. I guess that could work,” I said, still a little doubtful of what Alice has planned.
“What could work?” I heard a voice behind me. Oh no. I know that voice. It is too familiar to be forgotten.
Slowly, I turn around to face, the one, and the only . . .