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Chapter 51: I Never Want to Let You Down or Have You Go
Well if you wanted honesty, that's all you had to say.
I never want to let you down or have you go, it's better off this way.
. . .
I’m not okay, you wear me out
-My Chemical Romance
N.E.W.T.s. Nobody liked them, and nobody should. Because they sucked. Not that they were particularly hard - not at all - but they were annoying.
I had just finished my Potions N.E.W.T. and was waiting for them to get the House tables back up in the Great Hall; I was hungry. "It’ll be a little while, boys," McGonagall assured me and the Marauders, when she noticed us standing impatiently. "Find something to entertain yourselves."
James went off to find Lily, Remus decided to skip off and collect Dora from her Potions lesson, and Pete made his way over to the Hufflepuff table, where one of the girls he had fancied (and slept with) a while back was eyeing him flirtatiously.
So I decided to go get Anastasia, because if there was food and we didn’t tell her about it, she’d be murderous.
I took a pleasant stroll around the castle until I found myself outside of her Transfiguration class, waiting for it to let out. I groaned to myself as the one and only Slytherin git who I could no longer torture without having a guilty conscience arrived.
I was perfectly content to completely ignore him, but Snape wasn’t so much.
"So, Black, waiting for your girlfriend? Oh, wait she’s not your girlfriend anymore, is she? My mistake." He smirked nastily, asking for me to return the favor.
However, I rose above him (for once) and said nothing. He continued. "What? Trying to win her back? Miss all that time she spends on her ba-"
I dove at Snape and we crashed down to the ground together. I was quite a bit taller than him. He was short; maybe twenty centimetres taller than Anastasia herself. I heard him grunt under the pressure of being pinned down by me; I wasn’t exactly pixie-sized.
I had thought I was above him, but I suppose Snape’s insinuations about Anastasia got me a bit angry, to say the least. I found myself saying something that I didn’t even really think. "I shouldn’t have told James about the whole ‘Remus’ incident last year," I snarled. "I should have let Remus get you."
I didn’t even really think that; as much as I hated Snape I didn’t exactly wish for him to be mauled by a werewolf. Even aside from the guilt Remus would have had; knowing the torture being a werewolf was, I would wish the fate on almost no one.
Then the bell rang and brought me back to my thoughts; I jumped off of him and we both clambered to our feet. He seemed just as eager as I was for no one to know what had just transpired. A silent meeting of our eyes was also a promise that the incident would go unmentioned.
Anastasia and Darren walked out of the classroom, talking animatedly. I rushed up to them excitedly, already forgetting about the dramatic little moment Snivellus and I had had. "Guys, come on! The exam’s over. There’s food!"
Anastasia’s eyes lit up in excitement and she took off down the corridor, completely forgetting about me and Darren.
"Bird’s a nutter," Darren observed.
"Don’t I know it."
"No more N.E.W.T.s! No more N.E.W.T.s! No more N.E.W.T.s!" I burst through the front doors of Hogwarts, shortly followed by James, Peter and Remus. Anastasia walked out dejectedly after us.
"Speak for yourself," she grumbled. "I still have a Transfiguration exam this year, and all of my N.E.W.Ts next year."
"Don’t worry, Anna, your exam is this afternoon," Remus said, in what was probably supposed to be an assuring voice. "When you’re all done with that, you come meet us out here so we can celebrate."
She sneered at Remus, and hung out with us until about noon, when she jumped up and ran away, screaming about how she was late for another Transfiguration exam. I laughed at the flashback from the year before, when we had all been awaken by a frantic, late Anastasia and groggily followed her to her Transfiguration O.W.L. that us guys had taken the year previous. Yeah, we were that stupid.
"So, how are you holding up?" Remus had scooted over next to me after James and Peter got up and ran off into the distance to meet up with Lily and one of her friends.
"About what? The N.E.W.T.s? I’m fine - you know I’m not one of those stress cases."
"Not what I meant."
I took a little while to answer; I looked out onto the grounds, where green hills rolled, and my eyes met the spot where Anastasia first kissed me a few months or so back. It was next to a little creek that ran along the edge of the forest, and was less heavily invaded by trees than any other area on the grounds.
"I’m fine," I answered truthfully. "I mean, even I could tell that it wasn’t working. It felt weird to me, so I can’t imagine what it felt like to her."
Remus nodded knowingly. "You know, she hasn’t even come to me to talk about; she usually does when she’s all done with a bloke. It probably means that she’s as broken up about this as you are."
I jumped up. "I’m not broken up about this!" I defended myself loudly.
Remus smirked. "I’ll ignore the unnecessary reaction to my claim, but besides, that’s not what I meant. I meant that she probably wants to be with you too, but she just can’t."
I’m not broken up about his.
And, honestly, I wasn’t. I knew that it was better for both of us like this, and it wasn’t like anything was at all different than it was before we were together.
I shrugged and let my eyes scan the area again.
Remus looked particularly sage at the moment, when my eyes landed back on him. "You still love her." It wasn’t a question, it was a statement. I could have vehemently denied, but Remus would have known better - he was just good like that.
"Don’t tell her," I pleaded.
Remus scoffed. "I’m appalled that you think I’d be that stupid, Sirius. Who do you think I am? James?"
"Sorry, mate," I apologized. To compare someone to James was extremely offensive, just, no one would admit it when James was around - the kid thought quite a bit of himself. Of course, that's not to say I didn't love James; I'd probably marry the bloke if that sort of thing was legal.
Of course, you say that like you don’t think quite a bit about yourself.
Oh, have I mentioned, the voices became rather permanent? I suppose they’re not as bad as Anastasia’s (God help her, having to listen to her own mind revolting on her,) but they were still nothing to shake at.
At last, one of my mates (besides Jason) saw fit to give me the hope I needed. "Mate, she’ll come to her senses. She loves you; I just know it. But she’s Anna, she might just need a little while to figure it out."
I looked at Remus. Sometimes, I could hardly believe that I was quite so lucky to have Remus as one of my best mates.
I embraced him in a quick man-hug, just as the castle doors burst open. (As fast as doors quite as large and heavy as those can burst, anyway.)
"Fucking finished!" Anastasia screamed, leaping across the threshold.
"Hooray!" I cried, throwing my hands in the air.
"I did it! I did it! I did it!" Anastasia chanted, and she spun in circles doing a victory dance of sorts. With a little scream of surprise, she crashed down to the grass below. "And I am never writing another essay again!"
"Have fun explaining that to McGonagall." I joined her, laying down on the grass and followed her gaze up to the (for once) cloudless sky.
"I’ll have you know," she told me in a very haughty tone, "that I am brilliant, and anything I say, Minnie will totally agree with."
"You keep telling yourself that." Sometimes, I thought it might be nice to live in Anastasia’s delusional little world; I think she really believed all that stuff she was telling herself.
We were silent for a little while, and my frolicking brethren and peers finally brought me to the realization that , well, we weren’t in Kansas anymore.
And what I mean by that - we were hardly Hogwarts students anymore. All our tests, all our learning was done. Our comfortable, albeit a little hectic and eccentric sometimes (from all the tornadoes, of course) little home got thrown up twirled in the air and landed in Munchkinland.
I continued to lay next to my best mate, but my thoughts were hardly on the clouds above our heads, as I totally believed hers were. I looked over at Anastasia (I did this occasionally - she never noticed) and with a hitch in my breathing, realised that there were quite a few buttons on her blouse un-done.
Oh, Anastasia, why must you torture me so? Cruel, cruel fate . . .
The gentle rise-and-fall motion of her chest made me want to scream . . . and touch Anastasia in ways that were far too inappropriate for one mate to touch another.
Pretend she’s a boy, I urged myself.
Boys don’t have boobs that nice.
I’m trying to help; just do it.
"Wanna go for a walk?" I jumped up, checking, ehem, certain spots before doing so.
"Yeah," Anastasia agreed, standing up as well. "I was actually just going to ask if you wanted to."
So we walked, presumably headed towards her favorite spot - the meadow, complete with a giant hill. It was slightly painful to look at her, because she had a springy bounce in her step, that made her so happy and appealing and . . . bouncy.
Now, I suppose this little internal struggle is making you think that I regret the break-up. I totally don’t, just for the record. Even I noticed that it wasn’t working; it was definitely for the best. But you know that part of the break-up, long after the initial sting is over, and you still really, really want to jump the other persons bones, just for old times sake? (Or for first times sake, in our case.)
Yeah. That’s where I was right now.
And it was painful.
So I ran after Anastasia and her skips until we got all the way up the hill. Running after her wasn’t too great of an idea; I got far too good a view of her arse than I needed. But, I suppose I should just be thankful that she’s in my pants (haha) and not in a skirt. Because that would have been bad. Very, very bad.
So I tried not to think about said very bad things, and have fun instead. Because, trust me, rolling down the hill was fun.
In preparation for my grand roll, I backed up, and started at a run. Now, I suppose there’s the traditional way to roll down a hill, but there’s also more inventive ways, such as backward and forward rolls, to name a couple.
The forward roll was a specialty of mine. I had the perfect physics formula to ensure smooth rolling, rather than the arse-bumping painfulness that most others felt. The Marauders and Anastasia and I decided that it had to do with my large bodily proportions.
I could hear Anastasia screaming in joy -
I wouldn’t mind to hear her screaming in another way -
- as she rolled down the hill in front of me. Her squeals slowly transitioned into laughter as she came to a stop.
I however, wasn’t anywhere near slowing down. I always managed to pick up so much speed, and poor, poor Anastasia didn’t have enough whits about her just yet to move, and I rolled right over her. Well, that sure slowed me down.
"Ugh, you fat lard!" she crawled over to where I had stopped a few meters behond her and whacked me hard in the shoulder, then jumped on top of me.
"You’re not so light yourself," I taunted.
Anastasia continued to sit on me and crossed her arms in a huff. "Well, I hope you’re happy, Sirius Black. Now I’m going to have to exercise, and go and a diet, and not eat, and whine about how fat I am."
I didn’t even have to look at her face to know she was joking; it was one of the things that made it so easy to be in love with her.
Best not to think such things, lest they accidentally slip out . . .
Can’t help it, mate.
Yes you can! Come on, you woman! Get over her!
I tuned out the hostile sounds of my masculine brain and smiled.
"What are you smiling about?" Anastasia was peering suspiciously at me.
"Your face," I said in an insulting manner.
"My face is gorgeous."
If you only knew!
"What do you say we -"
No, you dumbarse! No swimming! Don’t you dare suggest that! Don’t you remember what happened last time . . . ?
"Get something to eat? Sounds like a completely ace idea."
Saved by Anastasia’s raucous appetite. Praise whatever deity built her with the mind and stomach of a bloke.
A/N: Like the new banner? To check out an alternate version by the same artist, visit my account on the forums. To see another alternate version (by maraudermiss) check out my author’s page here. :D
A/N2: Hey all. So, I was sitting around the other day wondering, are there any guys that read this story? I know that HP fanfiction is predominantly female (as is fanfiction in general, I think?) So, if you’re a guy out there and reading this, I’m kinda interested to know what you think. :D
A/N3: Whoopsies! I forgot to put up the Fun Facts last update. Well, here’s some fun ones. :D
Anna: Likes to not wear underwear whenever she can get away with it. (She finds it more comfortable.) However, she usually cannot. So, she has a collection of over thirty colorful, patterned knickers. This includes two sets of days of the week underwear.
Darren: his mother is a Muggle-born and a Pediatric Healer and his father plays the position of Seeker on the Wimbourne Wasps.
Remus: has never gotten drunk, nor does he plan to.
Sirius: before Alex, he never actually liked a girl.
James: is 6 feet tall in American measurements. That makes him 7 inches shorter than Sirius. He’s also considerably scrawnier. (But in a cute way, of course.) :D
A/N4: I love long A/Ns. They always make me smile. Anyways, I thought I’d just update everyone who’s wondering how long this story’s going to be. I just outlined the summer of ‘78; there’s four chapters, and the fifth chapter is September 1st. Before, summer, there’s two more chapters. Just updating. :D