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Chapter 1: What Harry Thinks
ITS IN HUMOR BEACUSE I THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY AND SO DID MY FRIENDS.
It’s not what it seems. It’s different. It’s not great being famous. It’s not all that. You would think it’s great that I’m famous. All the girls, fans and autographs. But no, it’s not. All they care about is the friggin’ scar on my head. That’s why I’m famous. Not because I solved world hunger ir cured cancer. It’s the stupid scar on my friggin’ forehead! They are like “Oh...there’s the boy who lived!” and “Look at his scar! It is so cool!” No, it is not cool. And yes I do have a name. Harry James Potter not the Boy Who Lived!
My scar hurts whenever Voldemort is around. Voldemort. Wish he would drop dead. I have to fight him every fricking year. All the planning, running around, getting caught by teachers and getting bitten, broken or bruised, and what happens after all the fuss?! Voldemort gets AWAY! What the hell is that good for? Nothing! Voldemort is a good for nothing, ugly, power hungry, evil killing machine, screwed up in the head-. I’ll just stop there.
I have two friends. Well not really friends cause they bicker and blab all the time about absolutely nothing! They are like a married couple, fighting over where the two dollar vase should go! In the living! No the kitchen! If I had a choice, I’d shove it up your ass until it came out your mouth!
Jeeze...life as a star. God damn horrible. Wish I was normal. Also they have a side of people, that is the Dark Side in my case, that are against you. What good comes out of that?! They try and kill you!! Nothing is good about that!
Malfoy. What an evil, stuck-up, good for nothing, put’s grease in his hair, son of a bloody Death Eater! I hate him! Make my life a living hell. And Snape. Another Death-eater(well not really in some people’s opinion. They say he came back. If he hates me...he still a Death-eater). Give me detentions for no frickin’ reason! Stupid excuses.
“Potter, you 2.1 cm off of you chair. Detention for a week.”
“Potter. You started 25.6 seconds before Mr. Malfoy. Detention for four months.”
“Potter. I hate you and your father. He’s better than me. Detention for the rest of your life, cause I have no life.”
Oh yes. Parents. Gone. Ka-put. Zip. Zero. Nadda. None. Parents die because Voldemort is not powerful enough. If you can kill everyone wizard on the bloody planet and not get caught for it, you qualify for being powerful enough! Now I am parentless. That’s why I am so mean. No discipline(except for the Dursleys. That’s a different kind of discipline. They don’t give love back). No love. Stupid Dursley’s have to make me live in a cupboard. They should be sued! Taken down by the Ministry! I am the Boy Who Lived, god dammit!
I can’t live with Sirius or Remus. For one, Sirius is dead. Two, Remus...I don’t where he is(but its not safe to stay with Remus. You could get hurt!). My parents best friends can’t even take care of me!
Evil Dursley’s. Dudley. Oh, what a laugh! Like living with a walking, talking beluga whale.
BOOM, BOOM, BOOM!
“I WANT BACON! BACCOOONNN!” Dudley would scream.
BOOM, BOOM, BOOM!
Chair falls under Dudley’s massive weight. He cries. Dursley’s die(I wish, but that’s all I can do). Actually, Petunia yelps.
“Oh, my dinky-duddydums! Are you okay, my cuppy-caker moo-moo?” (and other little noises you would make for a one year old).
“Bacon! Where bacon?!”
“Harry! Get the bacon!”
I would throw it at their eyes and cackle.
“Here’s your bloody bacon!”
Their eyes would scold and burn. And yes, I would laugh. Then Uncle Vernon would come into the picture.
It has to be a big one to fit him in it! Oh..I crack myself up.
“Blurb, blurb, blaap-booped.” He would TRY to say. Dumb ass. Can’t even talk.
“Ha ha! You ugly mofo! AVADA KEDVRA!” I would yell. I’ve always wanted too. He would die. No one would care. I would live at Hogwarts. Kick all the Slytherins out and beat Snape and Filch. Hang them by their thumbs. I would let every kid in the whole school take one good kick at her.
I would make Remus DADA teacher and Dumbledore would be Head Mister while I became Head Master! Yes perfect!
I would sit in the desk, making all the Slytherins perish. Their colour would be pink and purple. And every time I would see one of them being mean, 3 weeks detention and 90 points taken and split it into 3 parts for Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw and Gryffidnor.
Slytherins. They are just evil. They think they are all that. They think their all sexy. Maybe they should look in a mirror. The mirrors would break and then I would give them more detentions. And it wouldn’t be Slytherin. It would slip ‘n’ slide. Ha! No, Pink Dudes! Yes! Ha Ha!
Ah..me and my little thoughts. Pure genius. Wait, what’s that buzzing sound? It better not be Ron’s voice..but you can only guess.
Ah, god damn alarm clock! Well another day of my life about to be wasted.