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Chapter 22: The End of Nothing
McGonagall made me write lines. But she made me write the cause of my lack of attention over and over again. So I had to write ‘Ginny isn’t a part of me’ 50 times. Then McGonagall came and looked at my paper and dismissed me without saying anything about my paper.
This is what nothing feels like. It feels like……nothing. No magic, no color, none of anything. It is lifeless. I am lifeless. It has been way too long. I need to end this. I can’t survive like this. It’s torture……
I miss Harry. It is like a constant heartache that you can actually feel deep in your core. It hurts so much. I want it to go away. I suppose I should just get over it and move on. That will be the biggest challenge of my life……
“Harry, aren’t you going to eat anything?”
“But you barely eat anything anymore!”
“I haven’t been hungry lately, Ron.”
“Lately? You mean in the past four months?”
“I am telling you, this has got to stop, Harry.”
“What’s got to stop, Hermione?”
“Everything! You don’t talk to anyone, you ignore teachers, and you’re always sullen.”
“I can’t help it.”
“You can always help it, Harry. It’s because of Ginny, isn’t it?”
Harry froze. Hermione had crossed the line. “Ginny isn’t a part of my life anymore,” he snarled.
Hermione, however, retaliated. “Liar,” she replied calmly. “It’s all about Ginny. It’s what’s causing the two of you to be like this.”
“Ginny, barely knows I exist anymore!” Harry growled.
“Wrong!” Ron interjected. “Ginny is ignoring everybody too. She’s thinking of you. Have you even seen her?”
“Of course, I’ve seen her!” he lied.
“Then talk to her!”
“Why should I?” snarled Harry. “She hates me for what I did. And personally, I don’t blame her. Besides, it’s better if we don’t interact with each oth--“
“Harry, how can you say that?” said Hermione.
“Because it’s TRUE!” said Harry. “Protection requires sacrifice, and that’s a sacrifice that I had to make--“
“Is this what it’s about, Harry?” exclaimed Ron. “The WHOLE time? Safety?”
“That is probably one of your most stupidest plans you’ve ever come up with, Harry,” said Hermione.
“Yeah,” agreed Ron, “safety? Come on!! No one’s safe anymore. No one is safe, not even at Hogwarts. This is war, Harry.”
Hermione said, “Making someone you love disappear from your life won’t make them safer.”
Harry said quietly, “She’ll be safer without me.”
“And what about us, Harry?” Hermione said fiercely. “We’ve stuck with you for six years and you haven’t abandoned us. What makes Ginny so different that you have to treat her differently? She isn’t a little girl; she can handle the danger.”
“You don’t understand,” Harry begged. “Ginny is…..she’s--“
“More important than us?” Ron snapped. “You abandon her because you care for her, but you leave us to die eventually, right?”
“NO!” Harry cried. “I would never let you die! Not ever!”
“And you wouldn’t let Ginny either, so you decide to abandon her!”
“It’s not like that!”
“It’s EXACTLY like that.”
Harry paused for a moment. They were right. Why should Ginny be treated differently? Ron and Hermione seemed to be okay after six years. Why shouldn’t Ginny?
“Have I been a complete idiot?” he asked.
Ron nodded vigorously. “A complete bloody idiot.”
Harry nodded numbly. Was this whole decision a mistake? Had he gone through the past three and a half months living as if nothing existed?
Through his turbulent of thoughts, the doors to the Great Hall opened. Ginny walked through the door; walking along side her was Dean. Ginny looked worse than usual, Harry noticed. Then he saw Dean, and how he held Ginny as if she was the first prize at a fair and he wanted everybody to see what he had won. Ginny just looked straight forward and walked close to him. Harry’s thoughts quickly turned from bewilderment to fierce jealousy.
He’d let this happen. Ginny had slipped out of his grasp. Dean was her’s; she was Dean’s. It was over.
He turned toward Ron and Hermione. “It’s done,” he croaked. “She’s gone. Dean’s done away with her.”
Ron wheeled around. His eyes set on Dean, then on Harry, then Ginny, then Dean again. “The prat,” he said quietly.
But Harry wasn’t listening. His heart was falling from his core faster than his Firebolt could fly. All this time he had heartache for Ginny. All this time- for three and a half months- he was in the middle of nothing. And now, when he had fully come to realize his mistake, it was too late. Now Ginny was gone and he had lost his chance.
He whispered, “I should have realized earlier.”
“We tried to tell you,” Hermione said soothingly.
He responded, “But I was too caught up in my own misery to notice, right?”
Hermione nodded. “There’s still a chance, Harry.”
But he shook his head. “No. I missed my chance.”
Ginny was in the Room of Requirements. She wanted to be alone. She wanted to be away from everyone and everything. She wondered why she didn’t realize the freedom of the Room of Requirements before.
The topic on her mind today was the usual: Harry. An overwhelming shame swarmed around her head like bees. The thought came back once again on how extremely silly she had been to fall for Harry’s trap; his plan to get her body.
She did not want to see Dean. Dean moved to fast. She thought he was her friend and her friend only. Then Dean surprised her by trying to kiss her head off, and now she was scared. She had talked to Luna previously, but she could not get engaged with conversation easily.
Hermione was someone to talk to, but Hermione had taken to always talking about how amazing Harry was. Ginny was uncomfortable talking about Harry to other people.
She even asked Hermione why she was suddenly talking about Harry so much. She answered by averting her eyes and quickly changing the subject. But Ginny was fine with this. If Hermione started taking a fancy to Harry, she could, because Ginny wasn’t a part of Harry’s life anymore.
She had been in the Room of Requirements for three hours. She assumed it was time to leave. She had had enough time brooding by herself. She twisted the doorknob and opened the door to exit the Room of Requirements.
She took one step out of the door, when--
“Oof! What’re you--“
Ginny looked up to the figure she had ran into, then quickly backed away.
It was Harry.
“Ginny,” he whispered. Ginny noticed he had gone stark white and had taken a step back also.
She looked down, avoiding his eyes. She could not look into his eyes.
“What were you doing in the Room of Requirements?” he asked still whispering.
Ginny avoided his eyes again. “I needed to be alone.”
Harry nodded. “Me too. I guess we wanted to be at the same place at the same time.”
He grinned unconvincingly, as if to cheer her up, but Ginny was not in the mood.
“Listen, Ginny,” Harry began, “I wanted to talk to you.”
Ginny looked up and her eyes met his green ones. She stared at him for a second, entranced. She had not seen those eyes in months and now that she had, she found she was lost in a once familiar oblivion.
“Ginny?” he asked again, cautiously.
Ginny blinked and shook her head. “Sorry,” she muttered. “You can talk now.”
Harry grinned unconvincingly again. “Okay. I’ve just talked with Ron and Hermione and they say I should start talking to you again. So I was hoping we could be friends again.”
Ginny noticed how he emphasized the word ‘friends.’ She blinked again. “Friends?” she said.
Harry nodded, smiling encouragingly at her. “Yeah.”
Ginny was silent.
“Gin?” Harry whispered cautiously.
But Ginny wasn’t listening. A new emotion had engulfed her. It was a fire; it was a brilliant light. It consumed all her other emotions and through them out of sight. She had not felt this emotion in three and a half months. Her emotion was so powerful that her hands shook violently with it.
Her new feeling was pure, toxic, flaming hatred.
She had never felt like she wanted to kill Harry like she did now. She glared at him until he winced. Her fingers measured the length of the wand hidden under her robes. If she had to use it……
“Gin--“ Harry stared.
“Harry,” Ginny interrupted her voice full of raw seething. “I need to you to shut up now or I will kill you.”
“Kill me?” Harry whispered. He was whiter than before.
“Yes, kill you,” she repeated. She took out her wand and pointed it between Harry’s eyes. His eyes followed the point until he was nearly cross-eyed.
“Ginny, let me explain--“ he begged.
“I’m FINISHED!” Ginny screamed in his face. Harry cringed. “Finished with all your SAFETY nonsense. I know I was stupid enough to fall for your trap in the first place! And if you’re here to try and get me back, you are piteously MISTAKEN! I don’t care what you have to say! I am FINISHED with you!
“You think you can just WALK off like that with NO EXPLANATION! You don’t have the right to talk to me! I should curse you into oblivion! You don’t realize how hard these four months have been. You made me miserable for months! And I know part of it was my own fault--“
Harry made a strange noise in the back of his throat that cut Ginny off.
“What?” she spat at him.
“I……” he began. Then suddenly tears were flowing down his face.
Ginny paused, too stunned to say anything witty. Harry was…….crying? Why?
“You believed me!” he whispered fiercely. “I told you I didn’t ever love you and that it was all just kissing--“
“I remember,” Ginny shot viciously.
The tears came quicker. “And……and……you just walked away. You believed every bit of it. Every part. You believed me like you expected it. Did you think I never loved you?”
Ginny’s mouth was open. Only when he addressed her did she use it to respond.
“I-- always had this fear that you never did love me,” she admitted, struggling to keep her voice fierce. “I was scared that you were lying because what we had was so passionate and so pure, and that is rare.”
“Yes,” Harry croaked. “We were exactly that. And when I told you I never loved you, it was the opposite of what I thought, Ginny.”
“You were lying………about lying?”
Harry smiled sadly. “Yes! So don’t you see? I always loved you, Ginny. Always. Nothing will ever change that. I was stupid enough in the beginning to think the only way to keep you safe was to exclude you from my life. I can’t do that, Gin. I can’t.”
Ginny was gaping at him now, all anger gone. The tears were running down his cheeks in a steady flow.
“You don’t realize how hard it’s been for me, Ginny. It’s been terrible. I could barely survive with that awful guilt on my chest.”
Ginny struggled to regain her voice. “Than why did you end it?” she asked fiercely.
“Safety,” Harry whispered. “All to keep you safe. I was stupid. I was too selfish to keep you. Saying I didn’t love you was the only way you’d believed me, and I was right. I wanted you safe, but I didn’t realize what that would do to both of us.”
“No, you didn’t,” she snarled.
“Ginny,” Harry begged. “You have to understand: it was the only way you’d believe me. You have to forgive me. Please. I can’t do this. Not without you. Please.”
“Why should I?” snarled Ginny.
“You shouldn’t,” whispered Harry. “I don’t deserve it.”
Ginny was so surprised by this answer that she was temporarily speechless.
“Gin,” Harry began again, “I don’t want you to ever, ever, believe that I would use you like that. You can’t believe me so quickly, Ginny. I don’t ever want you to doubt my love for you ……..no matter how small your love for me is.”
Ginny looked down, no longer able to stand his anguished eyes flooded with tears.
“Please,” he whispered.
Ginny was struggling. She should still be mad at Harry. She should have cursed him by now, but her wand arm lay limp at her side. Harry should be in the Hospital Wing sprouting feelers from his face, but he wasn’t. Instead, he was begging her to forgive him for what he lied about.
So there was the truth. Harry had always loved her. Never had his adoration for her failed. It was she who had believed him so easily.
“No,” Ginny whispered, falling to her knees. Harry went down with her, his eyes never leaving her face. “You should be the one forgiving me.”
Harry showed the first signs of surprise. “Why?”
“Because I believed you. Forgive me for doubting you like that--“
“I forgive you.”
Ginny was once again speechless.
“Ginny,” Harry said taking her hands, “it was my entire fault. All my fault. The blame is all on me. You can’t go blaming yourself for a mistake that I made. It was a mistake that made us both suffer.”
Ginny shook her head. “I don’t know what to do.”
“You don’t have to do anything,” Harry whispered. He paused, and then a new emotion settled on his face. “Although I’ll bet Dean would know what to do.”
Ginny snapped her head up. “What about Dean?”
Harry did not answer, but continued staring into her eyes.
“You’re jealous,” Ginny whispered. “I don’t believe it.”
“You don’t realize how scared I’ve been, Ginny,” he said. “I was wondering when a guy would pick you up and carry you away and that would be the end of us. I wouldn’t have a chance to tell you the truth. Then Dean came. I thought all hope was gone. I was so jealous. ”
“Don’t be,” said Ginny quickly. “Dean and I are just friends.”
Harry let out a huge sigh. “You have no idea how happy that makes me.”
Ginny’s knees were getting sore from kneeling. She stood up and Harry stood with her. The color was filling his face again. He pulled away from her hands as if he felt he did not have the honor to touch her.
“So you lied about not loving me,” Ginny said.
“I should probably hex you and get this over with.”
“You should. I deserve it.”
Ginny looked up into his eyes and was captivated again. “I think I forgive you, Harry,” she said.
Harry’s eyes lit up with a spark she had not seen in a long time. “Really?” he asked.
“Yes!” Ginny cried.
“You’re amazing, Ginny!” Harry exclaimed. He reached over to hug her, then thought better of it and put his hands down.
“I would ask you out again,” he began, “but I still don’t deserve to be your boyfriend after what I did.”
You’re right,” Ginny agreed.
Harry’s face fell.
“I think you owe me something,” Ginny demanded.
“I know,” he said. “I owe you an apology. I’m really sorry, Ginny. You have no idea what I did to both of us and how it made me feel--“
“Oh, save it, Harry,” Ginny chuckled. “I’ve already heard all of that stuff. And I wasn’t talking about an apology, anyway.”
Harry looked perplexed. “What do I owe you then?”
Ginny placed a finger on her cheek to motion for a kiss on the cheek.
Harry blushed, but leaned forward. His lips were surprisingly warm against her cheek. Then he pulled away.
Ginny sighed. It was anticlimactic.
“Ginny,” Harry whispered, as if he was just seeing her. “Ginny, I can’t wait for it. It’s driving me crazy. It’s been four months.” He was begging; his voice was layered with anguish and longing. Ginny had not seen him like this before.
But somehow, Ginny knew what he was talking about.
“It’s been too long,” she whispered.
“I can’t wait any long, Ginny,” Harry begged. “I missed out on you for too long. I can’t let it happen again. I missed you so much……..I need to feel you again……”
The first taste of Ginny made Harry realize how much he had missed her. A fire seemed to erupt in his heart. The feeling of pure passion radiated off of his lips as he kissed her. It had been too long…….he wondered how he could have even survived.
Harry’s hands were every where, touching every part of Ginny he could reach. He needed to feel her skin again, her mouth again, everything about her. His hands found her waist, and he realized with a guilty jolt that she was much too skinny. His hands found her wrists and he also realized that they were too thin; to breakable.
He took her hands and placed them into his hair where he used to like it. Ginny’s hands did not seem to have lost any memory. They were roaming his hair like she used to, and Harry found himself enjoying it more than usual, as if their time apart had exaggerated everything they were doing now.
Then his lips were on her neck and Ginny’s head was hanging back, and she was sighing. Her neck was sweet like strawberries and he noticed it more than he ever had before. He worked his lips back to her cheeks, then across her jaw, up to her ear, and back down to her lips.
He opened a door with his right hand-- one that seemed to appear out of nowhere against the wall-- and slid inside, never breaking contact with Ginny. He closed the door and pressed Ginny against the wall, their lips moving in a suddenly furious motion against each other.
Harry’s hands were back in her hair and they were playing with the long, red strands. Ginny broke off for more air, and Harry’s mouth automatically went to her neck again. The sweet smell of her almost drove his crazy with greed, but he controlled his emotions and focused on pleasing her.
Ginny’s fingers were playing with Harry’s neck and he found it extremely pleasing and shuddery. Ginny brought their mouths back together and Harry moaned with happiness and pleasure.
He pulled Ginny away from the wall and they stumbled along in the room until they both tripped. With a thud, they landed on soft carpet.
Then they burst out laughing. They were so foolish. Harry laughed hard, and then brought Ginny’s lips to his again. Ginny was shaking with suppressed joy and Harry squeezed her harder to him.
Together, they rolled on the floor, kissing, and laughing, and kissing some more. Harry kissed Ginny tenderly for a moment, and Ginny melted into his embrace. She let him kiss her until she could not stand it anymore and kissed him back with a fiery hunger.
Ginny’s hands were once again roaming his neck. Harry gasped quietly when her soft hands snuck under his robes. He groaned softly when her finger tips flitted across his chest and his side where Malfoy’s curse once caused him pain. There was a scar there and Ginny seemed to notice.
She broke away from him, and Harry groaned, but this time in emotional agony. “No….” he gasped, “don’t stop.”
“Wait,” she whispered calmly. “Does it hurt you anymore?” she asked, fingering the scar on his side.
Harry shook his head. “No, it stopped a while ago.” Ginny smiled in relief.
“Well that’s good. I was afraid it would hurt you too much to kiss me more.”
Harry groaned again. He wanted her so badly. “Ginny, even if it did hurt me, it wouldn’t stop me from kissing you.”
Then, without being able to suppress his passion, he pulled Ginny down on top of him and brought her mouth down on his.
Ginny gasped at the abruptness of the kiss, but then she closed her eyes. Harry kissed her as much as he could, as passionately as he could, and urgently as he could. He wanted to make up for all the months he had missed out on her.
Ginny was in pure ecstasy. Harry was hovering over her, but not crushing her. It was as if he was afraid of hurting her in any way. Ginny found that she liked this new method of handling herself.
She was being kissed like she had never been kissed before. Dean could not give her feelings such as this. He was much too rough. Harry, on the other hand, he was gentle and careful. His hands were calloused and rough, but his touch was smooth and careful. Ginny marveled how he could touch her so softly, and still have his rough hand texture.
Ginny gasped when Harry nipped her neck softly. Her hands went to his hair, pulling it lightly to show overwhelming affection. Her fingers raked its blackness and made it messier than it usually was.
When she could not stand the separation, she pulled Harry’s mouth back to hers and kissed him hard. They were both breathing raggedly and Ginny was forced to pull away for air. Gasping for oxygen, she rolled over on her side and kissed Harry’s shoulder. The groan that escaped his lips made Ginny smile.
She sighed with happiness and inhaled the sweet smell of his neck. It was a husky smell that made her think of Quidditch and Butterbeer. She could stay here forever, kissing him and laughing with him, anything but keep them separated.
Ginny loved Harry so much that she reached to pull off his shirt, but warm, calloused hands stopped her.
Then suddenly she was on her back, with Harry on top of her, and she was looking into liquid emeralds. Harry’s sweet breath was tickling her cheek.
“I don’t want to ruin anything else for you, Ginny,” Harry said quietly and soothingly. “We are not going to move too fast.”
Ginny protested, “But--“
“You need time to heal.”
“But there’s nothing wrong with me!”
Ginny saw Harry look down. “There is, Ginny,” he said. “It was my fault, and because I caused it I am going to be the one to heal it.”
“Let’s take it slow, Ginny, alright?”
Ginny sighed and nodded her head. Harry took her chin in his hands and raised her head. “Trust me?” he asked.
Ginny nodded. “Yeah.”
“Thank you,” he said sincerely. “I need time to heal, too.”
“We’ll do it together,” Ginny stated determinedly.
Harry grinned crookedly. “I love you, Gin.”
Ginny blinked. Harry was still grinning crookedly at her as if the words he said were silly and foolish. Ginny opened her mouth to say that she loved him back, but then she stopped herself.
“I--I trust you, Harry,” she said. Did she really love Harry after what he did to her? Yes, of course she did. But she was not ready to admit it. The most she could do now was admit her trust to him.
Harry said, “Good, I didn’t expect much more.”
That was a fun chapter! Did you like it? LEAVE A REVIEW then I will know what you think. It would be great if all 51 of you guys could review! That would be awesome! Thanks to all you readers who have stuck with my story all the way, and thanks to those who have just gotten into it! The next chapter will be out in a little while! Thanks! xxoo