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Only With Acceptance by blackthoughtsredwriting
Chapter 1: Godric's Hollow
The wind blew her cloak out of place as she waited by a tall willow tree. She had to do it. She had to go on. Every time she came here she had the same internal conflict with herself on whether she should turn back or continue on. She was afraid of seeing it again and it brought tears to her eyes to just remember it. But remember it she did, because it was in her dreams and in her waking moments too. She had trouble sleeping. It wasn’t as bad as it was at first. At first she felt like she didn’t want to live. Sometimes she still felt like that. After it happened, she refused to eat and didn’t drink anything for a week. She was extremely weak and sleep deprived so they hauled her off to St. Mungo’s to get better. She had then realized that he wouldn’t have wanted her to starve herself and so she began to eat again. She slowly got better although the nightmares still continued. She lived like this for fifteen years.
She shook her thoughts out of her head. This was no time to be thinking of these things. There was no time to be thinking of the past. But the past was the only time that she could ever hear his voice or feel his sweet touch, so she dwelled on her saddened memories.
She felt a cool breeze shuffle the leaves and watched as some of the leaves blew around in a cirlce, as if little children were playing. She tore her gaze away from the leaves, took a deep breath, and began walking up the path. Each step and she wanted to stop. She kept on telling herself that she was being childish. She kept on telling herself only one more step and that is what kept her going.
She passed two graves. The headstones said Remus Lupin and Nymphadora Tonks and she bit her bottom lip to keep from crying.
She continued walking and came upon an ivory gate with the words GH on it. She slowly opened the gate and stopped. Up ahead she could barely make out a clearing in the trees and up ahead she saw three graves.
She began trembling. Half of her wanted to continue and the other half wanted to run back the way she had come. She had come this far though and was not about to give up now. She closed the gate and again continued to slowly walk up the worn path.
It seemed like an eternity to reach the clearing and even longer to reach the four graves in the middle of it. She looked at the first one and it said 'Sirius Black' on it. “He didn’t deserve to die the way he did,” she thought, “Everyone had thought him part of the dark side but he wasn’t. He died fighting the dark side.”
She moved to the second grave and it said 'In Loving Memory of Lily Potter'.
“She didn’t deserve to die. She didn’t deserve to die at all. She should have been able to live a happy life with Harry and James,” she said to herself.
She walked to the third grave and began to cry silently. This grave said In Loving Memory of James Potter. “He didn’t deserve to die either,” she thought, “None of them deserved to die.”
"I wonder how things would have been like if Harry’s parents were still alive.” She tried to imagine it.
She saw Harry and her along with their two children outside a small but very cozy cottage. Sirius was there. She also saw James and Lily with their other girl. They were sitting at a picnic table eating and talking. She could see Harry laugh as he tried to fight his dad for the last pork chop on the platter, forks clanging loudly.
“Fine. Let’s play a game of Quiditch. Lily, Amy, me, and Parker versus you, Ginny, Sirius and Catherine,” James said standing up, “If your team wins you can have it. Plus the losing team has to wash the dishes by hand. No magic.”
“You're on,” Harry said, “Come on all you so we can make a strategy.”
They huddled by a large willow tree as the began talking about their game plan while across the yard Lily, James, Parker, and Amy were doing the same thing.
“Okay, all you,” James began, “We know that they are good but we are better than them. We have more years of experience than they do. I just want you to go out there and give it your best and have fun. We will win and they will be the ones washing dishes not us so good luck.
“I would also like that pork chop too,” he added as an afterthought.
“James,” Lily scolded, “Is that all you think about."
“Pretty much dear.” He replied, “That and my beautiful wife whom I love very much.”
“Now,” He said turning back to the rest of the team while his wife gave him an exasperated look, “Lily will play chaser, Parker will be beater, Amy the keeper, and I’ll be the seeker. Any questions?”
They all nodded their heads and leaned up to look at Harry’s team. They were looking at them with smug looks on their faces, Harry’s the most pronounced.
Harry was the seeker for his team while Ginny was chaser, Catherine was keeper, and Sirius was beater.
The walked to the back of the house where their Quidditch pitch was.
They went and stood in the middle of the pitch while Catherine went to get the chest. She was back shortly carrying a chest made of a beautiful rosewood. She released the snitch and one bludger. She picked the Quaffle up and handed it to Harry. They all got on their brooms ready to take off. Harry threw the quaffle up then got on his broom and took off. Lily got possession of the quaffle and began streaking towards Catherine.
The game lasted two hours, Harry finally catching the snitch in a breakneck dive against his dad and the final score was 230 to 160.
Harry sat down totally exhausted and felt Ginny set in his lap. He wrapped is arms around her waist and she snuggled closer to him.
“You played really well,” He said
“Thanks, so did you.” She replied as he kissed her.
She sighed. That was the life she had always hoped and dreamed for ever since she had met Harry. That was the life taken away from her by Lord Voldemort, just as so many other lives had been taken before hers. The only source of comfort she had these days was knowing that she still had a part of Harry with her. Sirius was now fifteen and entering his fifth year at Hogwarts. He looked so much like Harry that sometimes she almost thought it was Harry at times.
She walked to the next grave and tears welled up in her eyes. The gravestone was made out of black marble with white veins running through it. This was a rare form and had been hard to attain but she wanted him to have the best. She wanted him to have everything he deserved. And deserve it he did, for he was the one to finally rid the world of the evil plaguing it. He was the one to make sure that the world wouldn’t live in fear of waking up and their families be murdered. He was the one to make sure that people wouldn’t wake up and be afraid that that day might be their last.
On the gravestone it said, 'Here Lies Harry Potter, Loving Husband and Father. Sacrificed His Life So People Could Live Theirs Without Fear.'
She began to cry even harder. It had been so long ago yet it still brought tears to her eyes. She still loved him with her whole heart. She remembered when she was in her seventh year and thinking about how she couldn’t go on if anything were to happen to him. Yet here she was crying over his grave. Here she was trying to put together a life that she knew in heart would never happen but in her mind she wanted it so badly.
She stopped crying when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She looked up over her left shoulder.
“I thought I told you not to come.” She said.
“I’m sorry mum, but I had a feeling that I needed to come here. I knew that you couldn’t take this alone. I’m afraid that one of these days your grief will be too much. You let it consume you. You think I like seeing you like this? I have to sit back while my own mother wastes away in grief.”
He was right, she knew. She looked into his bright green eyes and sighed. She really couldn’t scold him. It was his dad after all and she couldn’t punish him for wanting to see him. She couldn’t do anything because she didn’t have the heart to.
She finally settled and they watched the grave together for what seemed like an eternity for her.
Her son finally spoke. “I guess I better be going now. I have to go pack so I won’t have to tomorrow.”
“Okay. I will see you at home soon, just give me a little more time.” she said, kissing his forhead softly.
Sirius nodded his head to let her know that he understood and then he walked back down the path. She watched him walk back down the path and broke down again.
There was no way that she could live like this way anymore. Always wanting everything to be undone. She was always trying to make a world that could not become possible. She was loosing a sense of her self ever day that she continued to live her life like this.
“Now you will die Harry,” she heard Voldemort say, “I have grown tired of always chasing you down and you escaping every time but not today. I will kill you today and the whole world can mourn the death of the boy who almost defeated Lord Voldemort.”
She saw Harry, his wand held high and his hand steady. He had cuts and bruises on him and even a broken kneecap. How he could still stand was beyond her but stood he did for he suddenly backed up to her and started to talk.
“I love you and will always be in your heart please don’t waste your life away like you don’t even care. There are so many things to live for. Your family and friends and especially Sirius. You have your whole life right in front of you.”
She began to cry. This was too much. She knew she couldn’t live without him. He was a part of her and if he was gone a part of her would also be gone too.
“Don’t cry my love. Just promise me one thing,” He said.
“What’s that,” she asked
“Promise me that you will live enough life for the both of us. Also tell Sirius I love him.”
“ I.. I prom…. I promise Harry.”
“Good. Now I must go meet destiny. You were the greatest thing that ever happened to me. I love you.” He said
“I love you too,” she said.
She saw him stand up straight again and walk forward with a strange glint in his eye.
“Are you ready for death Harry,” Voldemort asked.” Are you ready to meet your destiny?”
Harry looked at him and replied,” The only thing I’m ready for is to rid the world of your sorry ass. Now go to hell you son of a bitch.”
Ginny saw the jet of green light shoot out of his wand as it shot towards Voldemort. Ginny saw the look of fear in Voldemort’s eyes. So Voldemort did the only thing he could thing he could thing of. Ginny saw the green light shoot out of Voldemort’s wand and saw Harry hold his head in pain. He had obviously broken into
Harry’s mind so he couldn’t escape from the curse that was hurtling towards him.
Harry’s curse struck Voldemort right before Voldemort’s struck Harry. Harry didn’t have any time to move out of the way. Right before it hit him he managed to turn and look at Ginny.
The jet of light hit Harry and he slid to the floor still staring at Ginny. Ginny screamed. There was no way that this could be happening to her. She ran over to Harry and kneeled down beside him. She saw his eyes. His eyes that were usually filled with love and happiness and even fear and hate were now completely devoid of any emotion. Harry stared back at her, his gaze lifeless, and that image would haunt her dream forever.
She still remembered that day as though it were yesterday. That horrible day when Harry was ripped from her heart never to be returned again. That was the memory that was haunting her dreams making sure that she didn’t sleep. That was the memory where she wished she could go back and change.
She suddenly felt hands behind her and a figure was holding on to her from behind.
“You shouldn’t dwell on memories of the past.” he said.
“I can’t help it, I love him so.” she replied.
She turned around and saw a man with blonde hair and blue eyes looking at her. It was Draco Malfoy.
“I guess your wondering why I’m here,” he said. “To tell you the truth I have come to give you comfort. I have watched you for too long and it pains me to see you suffer like this. This is not good for your health. I thought you promised Harry that you wouldn’t do this.”
“I know I promise him but it is still hard to do.” she said now crying into his shoulder.
“Listen to me Ginny. Only with acceptance can you move on and only with accepting that which had happened can you make you life any better. Your trying to create a world you know will never come true. You keep hurting yourself by going back to these memories. I hate to see you hurt and suffer like this and if there is anything I could do for you I would do it. The only thing I can do is give you a little shove in the right direction and be here to comfort you when you are feeling like you can’t stand up. You will have to do the rest.”
During Draco’s words she had stopped crying and looked him in the face. She had never known he could have been this caring or comforting before. The pain Draco had to go through during the war had evidently taken its toll on him because it brought him out a changed man; a better man. Even though she knew he was on their side long ago she still couldn’t picture a kind and caring Draco. But here he was holding her and talking to her and he made perfect sense to her.
“I never hated Harry.” He said. “I just always envied him for the attention he got. I always envied attention from anyone that would give it to me. I always wanted my father to notice me and that’s why I joined the Death-Eaters in the first place. I wanted to please my father. I wanted him to be proud of me. I would go to no lengths just for him to be proud of me. I had never known that comfort and now I never will but I do not dwell on it. I have moved on. I have accepted that I never will and therefore must you accept that this world you are keep trying to create cannot come true. You must accept that he is finally gone and that you need to move on. I know it seems harsh but you have got to understand.”
“I feel like you have given me a reason to live,” she said.
“I have not given you a reason to live,” he said,” I have just helped you find that reason."
“I will try,” she said.
"I must go. If you ever need me just owl me. I will be more than happy to stay in touch with you and I would like to repay you for all the bad things I have done.”
“You already have Draco,” she said, “I will talk to you later."
She watched him as he walked down the path then turned back to Harry’s grave.
“I hope your happy where you are and someday I will see you again." She touched her lips and then touched the headstone, “I love you Harry, and I always will.”
She stood back up and put her cloak back on which had fallen off. She began walking back the way she had come and thought that it might not be so bad after all. Although Harry was dead she could still find solstice in her friends and family and now Draco. She knew that Harry would be mad at her for acting this way and decided that today was the day when she accepted that which couldn’t happen and live her life just as Harry wanted her to. She finally felt like she could actually live without dwelling on all of those memories. She put those memories in the back of her head, not to be forgotten but to be looked at a later time. She finally understood what Draco had said to her. Only with acceptance can you move on and only with acceptance can you put back the pieces of your broken life.
She began to smile as she reached the ivory gate. She opened it and then looked back at the graves. A beam of sunlight shot down upon Harry’s grave and she could tell that wherever he was he was truly happy, and that was all that mattered.