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Chapter 1: "Dirty Little Secret"
A/N: I just want to tell you a head of time that although it may sound like it in this first chapter Lily is not evil. Lol, well enjoy :o)
Lily woke up yet again with a yelp, and in a cold sweat. She had dreamed of It again. She had dreamed of the one thing that would make the whole school hate her, even James. She didn't think she could stand it if the whole school found it out, but she dreamed about it anyway.
“Lily, you okay,” Lily heard the groggy voice of her best friend, Alice Wurth, ask from across the dormitory.
“Yeah fine, just a-a bad dream,” Lily said shakily. She knew none of her friends would worry, this was the 10th time this month she had one of these dreams, and it was September 25!
The next day went by normally. James pined, the teachers praised Lily in her N.E.W.T. Classes, she talked with her friends, the usual. Lily was the most popular student in 6th year. After dinner Lily went to the Common Room to start with next weeks homework. Then unsurprisingly, James came up to her to talk to her.
“I know you're secret,” he said solemnly.
Lily jumped in her seat and gulped. How did he know? No one knew, oh no, what should she say next?? Deny everything, deny it all, was all she could think to do, “I have no idea what your talking about,” she said trying to sound casual, when really she felt ready to puke, she just couldn't stand it if James hated her. Even though Lily had been turning him down since 1st year, at the end of last year (fifth) she finally admitted to herself that she liked him.
“Oh come on Lily did you really think you could fool me,” James said dramatically.
Lily stared at him, right then she knew it would be useless to deny it, so instead she whispered, “how did you find out?”
James stared at her for a moment To her surprise he looked, well surprised, “so it's true,” he whispered back, “I didn't think it was...but you look pretty serious, it's really, really true then?? I knew you couldn't resist my charms forever!”
Lily breathed a sigh of relief....she could have laughed out loud, but instead she pretended to be angry, “no, no of course not, dunder head, I thought you were talking about something else, now just leave me alone!”
James sighed and went to talk to Remus and Peter, Sirius was suspiciously absent, and sure enough about five minutes later, Sirius approached her. Lily took in her breathe, if Sirius was coming near her, it couldn't be good. She tried to pretend he wasn't there when he stood in front of her staring directly at her, but finally she couldn't take it anymore and looked up.
“Yes,” she snapped.
“Aww, come on Lily just go out with him, you know he really likes you and I know for a fact that you like him back, so don't even use that excuse,” he replied casually.
“Whatever gave you that idea,” she retorted.
“I've seen the way you look at him when you think no one's looking,” Sirius said, while Lily tried her hardest to ignore him. In retaliation he began to make annoying kissy faces.
Finally he gave up to go flirt 'n snog his flavor of the week, Maria, Frank Longbottom's younger sister. Maria was in her 5th year. Lily was relieved when he left because, normally she would just go tell James that she liked him, but there were two problems: one, there was just something about James that made her to nervous, and two, after what she had done that summer she didn't deserve someone as nice as James, and she didn't appreciate Sirius bothering her about it.
An hour later Lily was talking to Alice about Frank Longbotton, her crush. Personally Lily didn't think they'd ever hook up, but you never know, even though Frank had never shown interest in Alice, Lily had never shown interest in James, but she likes him now. As Lily talked to Alice out of the corner of her eye she saw James, who had been whispering to his friends, probably planning some prank or another, receive a letter. A huge brown owl dropped a letter into his lap. As he read it his face started getting whiter and whiter until it started to go green. James looked ready to be sick at any given moment. His friends were looking curiously at him, and started taking swipes at grabbing the letter, but James held on to it tightly, and to his friends, and Lily's confusion, and he slowly walked to his dormitory.
“Heeelllloooo, earth to Lily, girl are you listening to me,” Alice called, snapping Lily's attention back to her friend. Lily put James odd behavior to the back of her mind, leaving to be worried about later.
The next day an hour before classes Lily was surprised to see James waiting for her, but his face did NOT have its usual cocky air around it, for once he looked.....serious, almost sad, by the look on his face Lily didn't think anything he had to say would be a good thing. Taking a deep breath she approached him and tapped him on the shoulder, he jumped. “Hey,” she said, trying to sound cheerful, instead of nervous, it didn't look like she succeeded, “hey,” was all he said in return, he looked distracted. Now Lily KNEW whatever he had to say wouldn't be good.
“We need to talk,” is all he said before indicating for her to follow him. Lily reluctantly followed him. They walked through a few halls and down a few flights of stairs before James stopped and started pacing in front of what looked to Lily, like a regular wall. He paced three times muttering something under his breath. Lily watched him in silent confusion, wondering if she should say something, but then to her surprise a door appeared and James signaled for her to step in.
Inside was a small room with a cozy fireplace, warm red walls, and two extremely comfortable looking, leather arm chairs. Lily looked around the hidden room with amazement. How did James of all people know of a room like this? It was so weird how it just suddenly appeared, but then, she supposed, so was everything else at Hogwarts.
“Lily could you please sit down, I have something to discuss with you,” James said as kindly as could manage.
All Lily could manage was to nod and sit down. She sat down and tried not fidgit. She wrung her hands waiting for him to say something, but for awhile all he did was frown at the fire until finally saying, “Lily what did you do over the summer?”
Icy fear swept through Lily and goosebumps spread up her arms. She tried not to hyperventilate and vomit at the same time, which by the way, was not a very comfortable feeling. It looked like it had finally happened, somebody had found out-worst of all it was the guy she had just realized she liked, liked a lot. “Wh-what d-do you mean,” she stuttered out in a voice much higher than normal.
“It's just this letter I got, I think it was meant for you, because the envelope had your name on it, but I thought it might be from you so I opened it and......,” James hesitated, and Lily gulped, trying to catch James eyes so she could silently plead for forgiveness, but he didn't seem to be able to look at her.
“Lily......,” he said his words trailing.
“Yes James,” Lily said holding back tears, one low one broke down and trailed down her cheek.
“Did you-did you, um, did you really do a side job for-for He-Who-Must-Not-Be-named?”
A second tear trickled down her cheek, “yes James.”
A/N: Soooo.....what did you think? It took me awhile to write, but for the next chapter you'll find a distraught Lily trying to explain, and beg James not to tell anyone her “Dirty Little Secret”